Thread: Ugg my teenager is driving me insane!

I don't know where to begin... my 17 year old daughter started hanging out with the wrong crowd of people. She is always threatining to "slice my throat" and "smash my face" and wishes me dead when ever her and her father get into it. I play peace keeper and so far I am not winning. She is starting to steal, smoke and she takes off for a day or two and I can't find her. I have tried talking to her I took her to councelling but she refuses to cooperate with them and I can't afford to pay all that money out for her to sit there and make faces at them and strange noises for an hour. We always had a good relationship untill these new kids arrived at school. I asked her to stay away from them and she tells me to go to heck but not so nice. She lets the air out of our car tires at night so we can't go to work or go anywhere. I haven't lost my temper yet with her but I feel as if I have had enough. She no longer wants to follow my wiccan ways so I don't force it on her. And she knows we're trying to get custody of my bf 2 grandchildren so she makes it that much harder on us. Sorry to ramble just needed to vent. Anyone have any advice for me before I go totally bald from pulling out my hair?[confused]

Wow. I dont have teens yet, all of ours are 11 and under, age wise...so I cant help you there. But...I can say this. That child needs to be reigned in, before she really gets hurt, arrested, or worse.

Have you considered a military school? I know its not cheap, but letting the air out of tires for spite, death threats, etc? She is over the line of bad behavior.

If nothing else, what are her grades like? What has the school said of her behaviors?

Im sorry for all this, dear, and will be thinking of you, and hoping she gets help, sees the light, and turns the corner.

I agree with Brigid... this is a hard time to raise kids. Personally, I would recommend "Tough Love", but it so easy to end up in Jail ! On One Hand, we must Protect our kids.....but, on the other, we cant Violate their Rights. I was blessed with my kids (both BOYS). I think it is Easier for a Man to do the Tough Love thing. Is there someone you can Talk With about this? Resources??

LadyMaria, what a difficult and stressful situation for you, your daughter, and entire family to be in. I agree with Brigid and LINN that this situation needs to be brought under control ASAP. Your daughter sounds terribly angry, and aside from "hanging with the wrong crowd," my gut tells me there's probably some underlying bigger causes or issues that's causing her to behave and speak as she is aside from just wrong choices in friends. I wonder if she's been verbally abused by a family member in the past or had to deal with some situations that have caused her to be resentful of you, her father, your boyfriend, or even your boyfriend's two grandchildren. In any event, I don't think that well-adjusted teenagers who feel loved and comfortable in their home environment just out of the blue start threatening to "slice their mother's throats" because they're hanging with the wrong type of friends.

One of the answers (but certainly not the only one) is therapy (both individual and family) to get at the root cause of her anger, but you said she doesn't want to speak to the counselors. Perhaps the particular counselors she saw weren't the right ones for her. Maybe you can speak to the counselors directly to see what they'd recommend you do, or if you can, try a new therapist who may "mesh" better with your daughter. If paying for therapy is an issue, you may want to do some research to see what type of free or low-cost resources are available in your area.

I wish I could give you more advice, but thankfully, I've never had to go through this particular situation. I do send you light and positive vibes that you'll be able to reach your daughter and turn this situation around before she acts out any further and anyone gets hurt.

Thank you everybody for the good advice, I am definately thinking about retrying councelling and if that doesn't work, military school. I found out part of her problem towards me and it made me cry, one of her teachers and several students at school has been giving her a hard time because of my wiccan beliefs. She won't go into details too much but she did let me know that she tells everybody that she is not a witch and that is part of the reason she started hanging out with the cool kids who basically get into trouble and rebel against athority and she said that she wishs I was a real mom and not some "stupid witch". Her father has alot to do with it as Thelma guessed correctly (you are good!) But it wasn't verbal abuse towards her it is what he says about Â*me when I am not home. He basically runs down Wicca and my rituals. My daughter (Desire') said that she no longer wants to be seen with me or have anything to do with me. And it hurts we were so close I don't know what to do. I guess this is part of my test of faith and now I am so confused. I believe strongly in my ways but I love my daughter and want her to be part of my life but she says I can't have both. I asked her why she doesn't threaten to hurt her dad and she said he's cool because he is an athiest. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should perform another cleaning ritual to rid my home of all negativity again. But I will keep trying to talk to my daughter after all her slamming the door in my face all the time might wear out the latch sooner or later. [lol]

Lady_Maria wrote:
....Her father has alot to do with it as Thelma guessed correctly (you are good!) But it wasn't verbal abuse towards her it is what he says about Â*me when I am not home. He basically runs down Wicca and my rituals. My daughter (Desire') said that she no longer wants to be seen with me or have anything to do with me. And it hurts we were so close I don't know what to do. I guess this is part of my test of faith and now I am so confused. I believe strongly in my ways but I love my daughter and want her to be part of my life but she says I can't have both.....

LadyMaria, I personally feel that a parent who "talks smack" about the other parent in front of their child (even a teenage one) or who berates or puts the other parent down in discussions with the child is causing harm. It's irresponsible parenting, and I see it as a form of verbal abuse.

If it's at all possible, I think it would be helpful and very important for you to try to arrange a time when you can be alone with your daughter in a comfortable, relatively stressfree environment, like maybe away from the house, and have a talk with her. Since she's got such misconceptions about what Witchcraft is and isnt' and/or what it means to be a Witch, perhaps it would be helpful for you to answer any questions she has and spend a few minutes calmly and simply explaining your beliefs in very basic terms. You don't have to give alot of details as sometimes a little bit of clarity and info can go a long way in easing someone's mind.

You also said that your daughter said, "you can't have both" (your chosen spirituality and a relationship with her), but I think it's important that she hear from you that it's your right to embrace whatever spirituality you are comfortable with, just as she has the freedom to do the same. (I'm assuming no one has forced her to practice any certain religion). Sometimes it's a hard concept for kids to understand that their parents are people too, and you don't give up your right to have a life and make choices just because you become a parent.

Thanks a ton Thelma...I wish I had somebody like you to talk to here. (Big hug from me to you!) You are so wise and you remind me so much of my late best friend. I will take your advice and try it after school at the park. I get so scattered brained an can't think straight. I agree I too think it is verbal abuse. I do not know why she waited so long to tell me what her father has been saying about me. I always taught my children "If you can't say anything nice about a person then don't bother saying anything at all." I never force my children to pick a certain religion. I teach them to go with their own calling. I am planning on getting financially stable and moving (with out her dad of course.) I am rambling on...you are so wise and I really apreciate your advice, it means alot to me! Thank you!!

A big hug to you sweetie... I have posted before too about selling my boys to the local zoo!
I agree with the others, but, I am a more strict mom... I view things like: they are under 18, I am responsible for them... they do put me to the test... often! I agree that she sound angy, but, I think it might help if you found out what it is exactly that she is angry about, it would be a good starting point... A wise friend of mine.. ok.. she deserves credit on this one.. Fate.. had the idea with mine, that.. while being confined to his room with no phone, that I should let him communicate with him and me via a journal... let him write it out and figure it out then come to me so we could work through it...
Everyone here is so wonderful and makes me laugh when I get down with issues like that... the great thing here is: we have, young ones, mommy's, and grand-mommies... so, everyone has great insight to it.. not to mention the love and wisdom, (eh hem.. thelma and moonie too!) lol.. keep us posted!

LadyMaria, I'm glad that some of the suggestions I've made may be helpful to you in dealing with your daughter. I don't know so much if it's "wisdom" but more than likely just "life experience" that comes from being older than dirt.[lol]

Anyway, please keep us posted on how things go.

Update on my daughter... she is currently in a juvinille detention center. She took off and was found at a 35 yr old mans house. I seen here standing in his yard hugging on him when driving by the house on my way to the feed mill and I stopped and told her to get into the car and she struck me with a rock wich I now have 6 stitches in my forehead from so I left and called the police and because she hit me they took her and locked her up. Another one of the kids she started hanging around with also was locked up earlier this weekfor beating up her grandmother for not giving her money. I just don't understand she was raised in a kind, loving non violent home...her dad talks bad behind my back to her about my wiccan ways but never had imagined she would ever hit me or do some of the things she's done just because I am a witch. The police said that maybe drugs may be a factor in her behavior because she tried to fight him too so they will test her for drugs while she's locked up. I sure hope she isn't on drugs..that would break my heart. We were so close, I just do not understand what went so wrong.[cry]