My son who is 6 years old and my husband who is 25 hate each other. I don't mean a little nit picking i'm talking full out war. I can't take it anymore. I have tried everything to bring them together but nothing seems to work. I love my son he is my life3 my blood and i love my husnad he is my rock my heart. Please anyone if you have some advice i am despret. I want them to be happy with each other. i want to see them play and react to one another nicely. Gage won't come near my husband he is in fear of him but my daughter love him more then life it's self. Gage is my oldest and i'm so tired of fighting with him and with my husband over this. please help!!!!!!!![cry][cry][frown]

I'm the mother of 4 boys and 1 husband and we are a blended family as well. As the mothers we want things to be loving and caring (and quiet) we nurture and these things are central to our homes and spirit so I can sympathize with your dilemma. First of all 6 is a tough age for boys I'm not sure why but when my twins were six I really did want to stick them to a velcro wall they went from being sweet little five year old to these little monsters with attitudes, cheeky mouths and the ability to push every button that the rest of the family possessed. Talking didn't really help they just knew that they were hitting the right buttons. So we got them busy, cub scouts, after school athletics, swimming lessons, and anything else we could think of and afford, there step father took them, and cheered from the sidelines and eventually it all worked out. They were too tired to be cheeky, and cantankerous, and they soon realised that Dad wasn't going away, and he was kinda alright.
So best of luck, and it will get better, but until then.....
[rolleyes][rolleyes] Blessed be

thank you bina for your support. Gage is like a whole different child from when he was 5. My husband gage's step father is in the military so he's not really the cheering type. He is more the drill sergent type if you know what i mean. Drive me crazy!!!!! they literaly scream at each other and even cussed at each other i can't take it any more. I try to keep balance in my life but theses 2 are wrecking it. It's so hard to handle. I don't honestly know what to do anymore. The woman in me wants to run away to they Flordia Keys and the mother in me wants to stay and fight. I am truly at an impass.!!!!

Have you tried family counseling? If not perhaps that's where you can start.
Sometimes you must 'step aside' and allow the two to interact- so long as they are not attempting to harm each other. I had a similar problem with an x-boyfriend who hated my daughter [she was 14 at the time] and she hated him equally. One time they were even in each other's face, I got scared! But I was counseled to step aside and allow them to interact rather than my being each one's sounding board and 'stuck in the middle'. It isn't easy, but family counseling didn't work, neither one would go.
Motherbear[wink]

believe me mother i have tried everything. I have my masters in pycholgy from ohio state university. Nothing i know and nothing i can do helps or works. Does know any spells or chants i could possible use? LOL

Dear Beachbaby my heart goes out to you, having dealt with the same situation I know that there are no easy answers. Â*It is possible that your son is jealous of your husband. Little boys of that age are very possessive of their Momma's especially if he was the "man of the family" for awhile before you remarried. Â*He probably resents this "stranger" taking what he feels is his place in your life. Â*Reassuring him of your love and spending some "Mommy and Me" time with him could help.

Personally though I think that the tone of the relationship needs to be set by your husband, he after all is the adult and having knock down drag outs with a 6 year old doesn't seem very adult to me. Â*Perhaps he needs to back off a bit on the "drill sargent" routine and work on becoming the little guy's friend first. Â*They are guys, there must be something they both enjoy doing? Â*Perhaps they might be able to tolerate doing it together.

If I knew a spell for this I would give it gladly unfortunately I don't. Â*I do know that you have the right to love whomever you please and both of your "guys" are going to have to come to understand this whether they like it or not.

Cussing, yelling and verbal abuse cannot be tolerated by man or boy you may have to lay down the law about that.

Blessings on you and your family.

I'm in agreement with Judy. Â*

Counseling would be my first piece of advice. Â*If the husband won't go, YOU go & take Gage. Â*The counselor should be able to provide you with the tools you (and Gage) need to deal with the hubby/step-dad and vice versa. Â*With having a degree in Psychology, I'm sure you're well versed with a lot of what the counselor will do. Â*However, as the saying goes... "He who acts as his own lawyer has a fool for a client." Â*You need someone that can be objective in this matter. Â*This sounds like a very dangerous and volatile situation. Â*A ticking time-bomb, if you will. Â*

I'm not trying to be judgemental, but I just can't understand this man's behavior. Â*The child is SIX, not an adult. Â*If he can't accept your son, then he shouldn't have "signed up" for the package deal that you brought into the relationship. Â*(JMHO)

You will be in my thoughts beachbaby... please get some help NOW to fix this situation. Â*Your son's so young and impressionable at this age. Â*He could very well end up hating YOU if you don't attempt to remedy those issues. Â* Â*

I know this is a bit off key but I agree with the family therapy. Â*Here is why. Â*I started working for this couple a year ago and it really opened my eyes. Â*The wife yells and belittles the husband all the time infront of me. It is almost like a game for her I think. The look on his face while she does this breaks my heart. Â*I use to yell at my husband for stupid stuff although not as bad as she does but after seeing the situation from a different perspective I have changed my ways. Â*I was finally able to see the situation through someone elses eyes. Â*My husband noticed a change in our relationship but couldnt really tell what it was that was different at first. Â*Now our relationship is better than it has been in 12 years. Â*As you know a therapist will have an open view point but will not have the emotional ties to the situation you have. Â*You could also try to video tape the interaction between them and show your husband. He may not think it is as bad as it is. Â*I hope this helps. Â*I will light a candle and send peace and love to your home tonight.
Gina[grin]

i just wanted to thank everyone for there love and support in my time of need. I asked a question and everyone answered openly and honestly. Giving me the advice i so despretely need. Thank all of you so much. I will be lighting a candle for all of you.
Blessed Be,
~Kristy Smith~[smile]

That is a tough situation and I know first hand. My divorce hurt my youngest daughter to the bone and 7 years later she hasn't recovered. Unfortunatly our children think that our new man was the cause of mommy and daddy no longer being together under the same roof. We think that because they are little they will adapt easier, WRONG. Personally, its the opposite, older adapts easier, because they can reason in their minds. Your husband feels he should automaicly be accepted because he is the new man of the house, WRONG. Therefore he is yelling at the smallest manchild of the house. Yelling instills FEAR, and we should NEVER have our children fear us. I don't believe counseling will help. Wrong tools in the toolbox. Parenting classes. They will teach you how to deal with situations and give you the right tools for your toolbox. Patience to you my dear one. Remember this is just as hard on your manchild as is on you. LOVE HEALS.