masculinity question

[Artemis_NYC]

I posted this in Male Interests, but got no replies so far, so I figured I'd try my luck here...

I'm thinking about getting back into drag performance this winter, and as part of my research in creating characters, I was asking around for everyone's definition of masculinity. What does it mean to be masculine?, etc. Hope this is food for thought...

[darqueangel]

Well, that is a question. Hmm..acording to some of my friends they say I'm masculine in the way I think and my attitude. And I've noticed that when I dress up all frilly and foo-fooey I do tend to priss around, but when I don a man's suit and tie I tend to be rougher, cruder, and full of attitude. To me,being masculine means being able to express my opinion without being labeled a *itch, to be able to sleep with who I want to when I want to without being labelled a ****, to not fall to pieces and cry like a baby because my feelings are hurt (and no not all women do that but it seems to be expected of us). It's all attitude. When I'm with a woman I'm the male, when I'm with a male I'm female (unless of course they tick me off then I'm liable to be male [lol]and tell them where to get off and how!)

[Artemis_NYC]

LOL, thanks Angel, I knew I could count on you.

[darqueangel]

lol no problem! glad to be of service. ::winking and taking a bow::[grin]

[Riverstone]

Masculinity

The first true of image of deity, for me has always been feminine. Â*I grew up with a mother who had never had a very mothering mother, nor known what it was like to nurture and be nurtured. So this became the first mystery of my life. The image of mother that is archetypal, cultural, and projected more by my grandmother (from my father’s side rather than my mothers) became the drawing force. I am male, however when I was growing up I had a tendency to lean toward more, sensual things, rather than harsh and physically challenging. It became apparent, even to a child, that this was not acceptable, and so I withdrew my behavior into myself, and became more, unexpressive, stoic, less, feeling, at least outwardly. Inward, I was in love with the rain falling, the smell of incense burning, the feel of sheets and comforter in a warm bed. I was a roiling hot bed of emotion in my teens and it’s only outlet was my artwork, here I was denied expression in my body, speech, manner, but use that expression in my art work and I was praised to no end. It was confusing. The result of such blocked behavior was inevitably depression, to which everyone had a theory as to why at such a young age I was so depressed. Now in this same time period, most guys were going through their changes, as I was, and its outlet was physical for them. But for me such physicality was abhorrent. The changes in my body were confusing and not very clearly explained by anyone. That anyone could forget such a confusing time and not realize that teenagers go through this because there is such a stigma of shame when it comes to the sensual, nature of children, especially those going through puberty, is tragic. Anyway, as time progresses I became very good at hiding my androgynous nature. And as I became an adult, I became freer in my ability to choose when and where I would allow myself to slip into certain behavior. To all outward appearance I was very masculine, intimidating even, though not because of my stature or build, but because of my eyes and broodish nature. I remember one of the exclamations my first lover made when he found me crocheting or attempting to crochet, ‘my masculine man.’. It was affectionate, it was also an indication that he did not know me deeper than the outside to some extend, or that he was enjoying what he was discovering as we were living together. I became more comfortable with my body over time, my sexuality, and in a time of promiscuity I learned what it was like to enjoy the physical exertion of being in a human body. Somehow that thought took me back to High School and my only regret was, well if I had known how to enjoy working my physical body I would have done it much sooner. Yoga became an interest, what a wonderful felling of being comfortable in your own skin. I still find that I am somewhat feminine when it comes to sex, most guys I date are all about sex, and then if there is an emotional turbulence, I am far less physically oriented. I don’t think I have less of a sex drive than most men, but that I am more emotional during sex. I have found things in common with women in some respect, but I have also found some things not in common, like I can be promiscuous and emotional, which I think is confusing for some men. There is a powerful goddess inside of me, a huntress, wild and free; there is also a nurturing mother, and a deliciously dark goddess who can slit life from a body. There is an androgynous god in me, horny and somewhat innocent too, he is like the tender leaves of spring, with dew clinging from a fresh morning. Â*Carnal, lustful, innocent, pure, he was me when I first experimented with another guy, my age, (13 y/o). We did not know what was happening, it was scary, exciting, Devine, and hidden. And then there is the other god in me. The one who I did not like at first, because he was the body incarnate with all it’s inadequacy, it’s dying, its yucky secretions. Sweat, semen, body oil, tears, blood, smelly, hairy – this was the last part of deity I could identify with. In some ways it still had the Christian Father image, Zeus, the hated dominator and controller. And true to his image, at a time when my life was falling apart and I had nothing left he came to me with thunder and said, now it is time for you to know me. It did not seem like a choice and I hated that, but this was a part of me coming to me to say, we are one and you must acknowledge me. This is the part of me that learned to say ‘no’. This is the part of me that would defend, myself, or another innocent person if they were physically attacked. He has the rage of the father god in him, but with the nurturing mother he does not seek to dominate, rather, he is the defender of the weak, and more importantly my defender. No one has the right to push me around, call me a sissy, and ignore my fellow man that is dying from a disease that has a stigma on it. He taught me to be carnal, in love and in play. He taught me the pleasure of working my body to accomplish a task. He is also in the process, now, of teaching me to take care of my own home and household, which I
have yet to create, but I am now a massage therapist and I have just completed a Pharmacy Tec program. I have never truly been self sufficient, except for a short time, soon that will not be the case. Alone he would become all those things that I dislike, the straight man that is in so much fear of his masculinity being questioned. And the Boss who shows how big his balls are by bullying you around. But, my mother, my goddess had already come to me in my youth and she balanced him out well. I can say that I am a man, a gay man and that I am truly masculine. Now, every once in a while I go out to have a drink, and I swear I am taken over by one of the Sugarbaker women from Designing Women, my voice becomes a little more southern and my wit can slice.

I hope this explains my image of masculinity – it is always unfolding these mysteries we are searching.

-Riverstone-

[Lion_Clan]

And I was just going to suggest watching the movie "the bird cage" in Jest. Robin Williams & Nathan Lane are two of my favorites! But how do you follow that last post. Riverstone - you are truely a deep and gifted soul. You are not only an artist my friend, but a talented writer. I'll be watching for any of your future posts or articles here.
Namaste - Leonie

[Magpiebard]

<gulps>

How to post after that Riverstone? Very well written. Very well thought out.

My answer is no way as complex or as thought out... but as it's to look for masculine ideals to draw a performance from? One of my dear friends was a drag king and had two simple suggestions.

Sean Connery (Bond, of course) for pure suave masculinity, and Keving Smith the man who played Aries on Xena, for rugged agressive out and out sex.

Whoa. Happy image. Both.

<goes off smiling and humming slightly>

[Artemis_NYC]

Riverstone, that was an amazing post. Thank you.

[Artemis_NYC]

Bond...James Bond. (((Giggles)))

Between my dad's all-inclusive Bond movie collection, and my partner's collection of Xena on DVD (are we stereotypical lesbians or what?), I'll have plenty of t.v., I mean, um, research to pass the time this winter. Research of course, being best when accompanied by a big screen, and hot chocolate spiked with a shot of kahlua, on a cold, cold winter's afternoon. [lol]

Thanks for the suggestions Magpiebard.

[Artemis_NYC]

And do thank your friend for me.

(((Singing theme to "You Only Live Twice")))

Namaste.