Ask a Gay Man.

[bbg_1980]

First thanks to Artemis for giving me the idea. She has done such a wonderful job answering questions form a lesbian perspective. I just wanted to offer up the same as a gay man.

I would rather educate someone than keep them in ignorance. So ask away or don't ask at all.

[grin]

[JayneBond]

Dude,

You should be like the FAb 5, Queer Eye for the Warlock! I love it!

PS *lisp*ssss that's some magick wand LOL

[grin]
JB

[bbg_1980]

LOL I always try to do my best.

[Artemis_NYC]

bbg_1980 wrote:
First thanks to Artemis for giving me the idea. She has done such a wonderful job answering questions form a lesbian perspective. I just wanted to offer up the same as a gay man.

Aw shucks, I'm blushing.

I have a question, actually, although I realize that this is a question for an individual, and that your answer won't necessarily be an indication of all gay men.

Have you ever been attracted to an FTM transgendered person? If you've never met a tranny boy, do you think you could be, hypothetically?

[Kat]

Question- Do you feel that the gay community has been "slipping" in the area of AIDS activism? The late 80s and the 90s showed so much promise of people getting concerned and active into this issue and it seems to me like that isn't true anymore. My brother died of AIDS in 2002 and I was astonished by the number of health care workers who were complete idiots on the issues concerning him and us as his family. Since then I have been more aware of the issues myself but it seems like the carpet has been rolled up and everyone has gone home on this one. What are your experiences on this?

[JayneBond]

Hmmmmm,

Well being an activist in the gay community I think you have AIDS awareness a problem that is largely a result of prejudice. The highest affected populations are adult(18-30) African American males, with gay males following close behind. The absolute lowest affected population is lesbian women. Gay men in New York city believe (at least from my friends) that if they sleep with young men they have less of a chance to get the disease because they have less partners. You see homosexuals becaus they don't have marriage as an option have very promiscuous lives and simply go from relationship to relationship after a few weeks or months. Not lesbians though, they seem to be more into serial monogamy for a few years, especially non-city type lesbians. Without gay women supporting awareness about AIDS because it doesn't affect them so much, and the male gay population wanting to live in denial, compounded by the fact that middle-white americans don't really care about gays or African American males because they are prejudiced by their Puritanical viewpoints and largely conservative Republicans (just look at the past 8 years of politics in the US for proof) you have the proverbial problem with our government's philsophy. If you aren't part of the moral majority you are SOL (shit out of luck) for them helping you. They don't care if these populations fall off the face of the planet- to them that would be their Christian God's rightful retribution against them. And I realize that is a very controversial statement but being an activist in Washington DC I got exposed to a lot of negativity where just such comments were made by "the other team". So if the moral majority doesn't want to expend resources, and you have lack of unilateral support from both the males and females in the gay community, well yes, without any lobby, nothing will get done. And health care workers in smaller towns and cities will be in the dark because they are not promoted to learn about this as it doesn't affect "the majority of the population". I think that it is indicative of a larger problem of our government's philsophy and very little will change that, but you just have to be one person with a voice to make a difference.

namaste,
JB

[bbg_1980]

OOOHHH! Two tuff questions right off the back. Let us get your question out of the way first Artemis.

This question is easily answered with a cute story. I was at a local gay bar in when i lived in Odessa, TX. I am not very forward in these types of settings and wait for other guys to offer me a drink or something. One night there was this HOT guy sitting at my friends table. I walked over and asked for an introduction. He smiled at me and my friend introduced us. His name (which I wont reveal out of respect) was genderless. I proceeded to ask him if I could by him a drink. He said, "I'm not your type." I said, "Why not?" He said, "Well, because I'm a girl." The first thought in my head was, "and that matters why?" Of course I knew why but she was so HOT as a guy.

So in short Artemis, I probably could go for a MTF. Provided of course the other things such as love, commitment, and respect fell in to place also. I hope that answers your question.

[bbg_1980]

That is a wonderfully stated question Kat. I would like to also thank Jayne Bond for expressing your strong opinions. However, I would like to add a little more light to the subject.

First I would have to agree for the most part, HIV/AIDS activism for United States citizens is almost non existent. The last remotely HIV/AIDS activist thing I remember seeing is a basket of condoms in a gay bar. To me there about as good as a basket full of diet pills at a Jenny Craig meeting. Yeah, I know I should use them but "real food" is so much better. This apathetic attitude within our community has lead to so many negative outcomes. The rise of “reported” HIV/AIDS cases in the gay community, the continued degradation of gay relationships, and the ignorance of gay youth expecting to become infected anyways, so why bother. There are times I am so angered by these individuals that I just want to hire a pissed off postal worker and say, “ Here’s the gun have at it.” I could go on forever about this topic, just because it angers me so much to see how the gay community is always walking two-steps forward and one-step back towards equality.

(Soapbox change.)

Jayne, I would like to address some of your statistics which you reported. Although these statistics are accurate in number, I feel that the interpretation is diluted. Ask your self this question, why do you think African-American men have become the leading group afflicted with HIV/AIDS? To answer this question you must look at other statistics of this community. They rank lowest in education, prosperity, and employment. I feel that if a strong effort was put forth by members of this community who beat the statistics then we could see a decline in infections. The number one cause of exposure to HIV/AIDS is male-to-male sexual contact followed very closely by heterosexual contact. What does this tell you? It tells me that there are likely many men sleeping with both sexes and passing the affliction. The extended version tells me:

There are many uneducated, poor, unemployed, African-American men having unprotected sex with both sexes. Since, there are a higher number of openly gay Caucasian-American men than African-American men this also tells me that more than likely these men are closeted. Why are they be closeted? Look at the community; it is almost an abomination for an African-American man to express his sexual feelings for other men. Gay African-American men are beaten, raped, and murdered every year.

(Soapbox change.)

Lets, also discuss the matter of bare-baking. This is not a scene from Brokeback Mountain. It is a slang term used for unprotected sex. It is so popular that it is almost celebrated in the gay community. They have a whole gay porno section devoted to this unspeakable act. Think about it, would you knowingly have unprotected sex with someone who was infected? At that most of you are probably saying I wouldn’t have any kind of sex with someone who is infected. Which is a common fear of the HIV/AIDS community but there is a reason behind the fear. Ignorance. Now, if there was a 50% chance of being infected while having unprotected sex would your risk it? Still, most of you are probably saying, no. The truth is that the chances of you being infected are so inconsistent that you cannot place a percentage on the possibilities.

(Soapbox change.)

I would like to point out the Federal Government’s involvement in the fight of HIV/AIDS. Many say that the government has placed this issue on the back burner and they have not tried hard enough to find a cure or vaccination. I would have to disagree to an extent. The government’s spending for HIV/AIDS has increased over the last ten years (1994-2004) from 6.3 billion to 18.5 billion. The part I disagree with is there form of spending. Only 9% goes to cash and housing Assistance, 5% goes to prevention, 16% is for research, while 59% goes to medical care, while 10% is reserved for international care. My only change would be to swap the prevention with the international care. We need to conquer our own battles before we can assist others in theirs.

Well again, I could go on forever but there must be an end to all things and this is mine. I hope I have alleviated some of your confusion. I hope everyone here practices safe sex. Who cares if you jump from partner to partner as long as you are happy and safe? As for me, I am one of the few gay men happy being in a monogamous relationship. Terry and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary this past weekend. I hope all of you are as lucky as me to find what we have.

[Kat]

bbg thanks so much for your response. I appreciate the time you took to respond to such a difficult topic. I have been horrified lately to here of "barebacking" and even "bug chasing" I cannot imagine that these people are thinking of. After watching my brother die I can't believe that any one is willing not only to take the risk but to actively seek it out. I know that this is not just an issue for the gay community but for all of us and I am trying to find the best way for me to get my voice and opinion out there. If you have any suggestions on that I would greatly appreciate it. I do send letters to my Congressmen (almost daily) on a variety of issues, AIDS awareness,education and research among them, but I feel as if I am not being heard and as if the general population is just past caring about "yesterdays" news. Sorry off on my own rant there. Thank you again for your response.

[Kat]

and Congratulations to you and Terry!!!