Thread: Marriage

Marriage (Part I )
>
>
> Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and
> after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
>
> 'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
> I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you..
> I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
> I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
> I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
> when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
> give me a hard time about it.
> Those are my rules. Any comments?'
>
> His new bride said:
> 'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
> here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'
>
> (DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
>
> ************ ************************************
>
> Marriage (Part II)
>
>
> Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
> The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
> that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'
>
> 'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
> that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'
>
> (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
>
>
> *****************************************
>
> Marriage (Part III)
>
>
> Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
>
> Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
> good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.
>
> After some time he realizes he was nasty and
> decides to make amends and rings her up.
>
> She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says
>
>
> 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
>
> She says, 'I was in bed.'
>
> 'In bed this early, doing what?'
>
> 'Getting a second opinion!'
>
> (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
>
> *****************************************
>
> Marriage (Part IV)
>
>
> A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
>
> He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
> wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
>
> One night, they go to a party.
>
> The man decides that it IS time to go home and
>
> wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
>
> He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
>
> His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
> shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'
>
> (RIGHT ON, LADY!)
>
> *****************************************
>
> THE SILENT TREATMENT
>
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home
> and were giving each other the silent treatment.
>
> Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
> to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
>
> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
> of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
>
> The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
> was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
>
> Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
> noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
>
> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>
> *****************************************
>
> God may have created man before woman, but there
> is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

I love 'em! Especially the "father of four" comment.


[lol][lol]

Thanks I needed that! Those were wonderful![grin]